Nothing in Particular

Depression: Advantages

One advantage to having depression is that the doctor check-ups for that don't involve you removing your pants. I mean, you probably could if you wanted to. Although that might require you to tip the doctor a little something extra. But for those of us who don't have that urge, it's nice to have one medical visit that doesn't start with you unzipping.

Holiday Albums

Holiday albums you never saw. "Perry Como's Christmas in the Gaza Strip: Rejoice, but stay low."

(images copyright Microsoft clip art and Reuters)

Self Doubt

There is a cool posting about battling self doubt on the blog Self+Made. And I don't mean to brag, but I am rather gifted in the area of self doubt, the way Michael Phelps has a talent for swimming or the French have a talent for doing things with cheese. Unfortunately, though, self doubt is not an Olympic event, mainly because it would be difficult to sell tickets to a sport where the athletes just rocked back and forth and made low moaning sounds. I can't imagine Wheaties would be too excited about putting you on their box either. "Wheaties: Something to eat while thinking you suck."

(image copyright Microsoft clip art)

Astronaut Loses Tool Bag

From USA Today, "Flight controllers were revamping plans Wednesday for the remaining spacewalks planned during space shuttle Endeavour's visit to the international space station, after a crucial tool bag floated out to space during a repair trip." 

Turning to weather, people in Virginia can expect to be hit with a mixture of rain and titanium hardware.

(photo copyright NASA)

Doctor Killjoy

Our son goes to a lot of doctor appointments. As a result, he's learned that, when he sees a stethoscope, he's going to be violated in some way. It's made him less than enamored with the medical profession. In fact, instead of using Time Out, whenever Max misbehaves, we should just show him a lab coat and some tongue depressors. For him, that would be the equivalent of a spanking or, say, water-boarding.

Kenny Chesney: Constantly Checking His Side Mirror

I like Kenny Chesney, but the other night at the CMAs he kept making a weird motion with his head when he sang. After every other lyric he would suddenly turn to the left, like he was experiencing some sort of rhythmic muscle spasm. On the one hand it looked kind of like a dance move. On the other hand it looked like he might now be eligible for handicapped parking. 

It was kind of like what you see with dogs when, while playing catch, you fake the throw. So I suppose it's possible that someone kept teasing him with a tennis ball. Either that or his performance was choreographed by his chiropractor.

An Important Announcement

American Express Makes Bank

From the J-Walk Blog, "American Express won U.S. Federal Reserve approval to become a bank holding company . . . Today, American Express has requested $3.5 billion in taxpayer-funded capital from the federal government." 

If this works, expect applications for bank status from:

> Linens-N-Things

> That guy asking for change at the 134 off-ramp

> Argentina

DHL: Overnight Pink Slip Delivery

From USA Today, "Deutsche Post will close all its DHL Express service centers, cut 9,500 jobs in the United States and eliminate U.S.-only domestic shipping by land and air, the company said Monday, citing heavy losses and fierce competition." 

"DHL: When you have to ruin people's lives by 10:00 a.m. the next day."

Cataplexy

 In addition to the numerous other challenges our son, Max, faces, he also has a condition called Cataplexy. Cataplexy sounds like something you'd find in an airport, as in "You'll need to take the cataplexy over to Terminal 5" or "Someone accidentally lowered the cataplexy onto one of the baggage handlers."

Cataplexy causes sudden, temporary paralysis. All of your muscles go slack and you collapse. It's kind of like what most people experience after sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office for a long time. Half way through a People magazine and selections from Kenny G you wonder if you'll ever be able to walk again.

Unfortunately, it's not as gradual as when you're waiting to see the dermatologist. With cataplexy, it can happen with no warning. One minute Max is up and walking around and a second later he is in a heap on the floor. With some people, symptoms such as these might lead to a diagnosis of Alcoholism. However, as protective parents, we have tried to limit Max's time in bars to just three days a week.