The Horror

From what I can tell, set designers for horror films make some money on the side by also creating parking structure stairwells. At least, many of the ones I have seen look like they should have a sign that says, “Future site of a double homicide!” Parking structure stairwells tend to look a little scary, even when compared to, say, graveyards or medieval prisons. In fact, they make the average theme park haunted house look like a quaint bed and breakfast, someplace suitable for small weddings and commitment ceremonies.

Not that parking structure stairwells aren’t functional. For instance, the metal handrails are made so that any bloodstains can be easily hosed off. And the flat cement on the landings is ideal for chalk outlines. The only missing features are spools of crime scene tape built into the walls on industrial toilet paper dispensers, maybe with a sign that says, “Please cordon off your murder before leaving.”

Comments

[Philip S.]

The parking lot I use at work has a black, handle-less door in the middle of the stairwell with a sign that reads "This door must remain locked. Sorry for the inconvenience." Every day I am tempted to cross out the second line and write "Sorry if you are being horribly murdered."