Nothing in Particular

Electric Shavers

For years I have used an electric razor, which is basically a motorized lemon zester. Although they are used to shave beards, it is possible that they were originally created to shave selections of citrus. I recently bought a new one that does not seem capable of either. It’s like they went overboard with the safety features so that it does not cut anything. “Our latest model was specially designed to just make a minor buzzing sound.”

Hot Cars

I live in North Carolina, where on a summer day your car door will get hot enough to brand cattle. “On the count of three we’ll push Bessy up against the sedan.” If my car has been parked outside for more than 30 minutes, I am afraid to touch the door handle without some sort of hot pad, the kind of thing you use to remove a casserole from the oven. I would be better prepared except I worry that it would look a little strange if I was seen walking through a parking lot while wearing shorts, flip flops, and oven mitts.

Fourth of July

Yesterday at the fireworks site it rained, forcing us to spend about an hour sitting in the car. Thus it was not a celebration of our nation’s independence as much as a celebration of import car interiors. “My country tis of thee . . . leather upholstery.” However, entertainment was provided by watching people run to the bathrooms. And they must have been in severe discomfort. After all, not many people would risk being hit by lightening just to sit in an outhouse. If nothing else, no one wants his obituary to read, “Died while sprinting to a port-o-potty.”

Concealed Weapons in Ohio

The state of Ohio now allows people to carry concealed weapons in bars, malls, stadiums, and, most importantly, museums. This is in reaction to the public outcry from people who feel unsafe and threatened by a number of post-impressionist exhibits. “Authorities are saying that the woman was beaten and robbed by an early Van Gogh painting.”