Nothing in Particular

Pop Culture Expert

This morning on a TV news show one of the guests was identified as a “pop culture expert”. This is a prestigious title that is usually reserved for people with no jobs who spend an unnatural amount of time watching the E! channel. Pop Culture expert is also a term that some people use when they do not want to swear in front of their children, as in “Yesterday on the highway I was almost hit by some freakin’ pop culture expert.”

 

Sneezing

Every so often I have these massive sneezing fits. It’s one of the reasons that I should never work for the bomb squad. “Are you supposed to say gesundheit when someone explodes like that?”

 

Fountain Fun

There is a fountain at one of our local malls that some parents let their kids play in. After all, what parent wouldn’t want his child to share a play area with migrating geese. It is a chance for the youngster to learn about water pressure, refracted light, and various strains of avian flu.

 

Concert Screams

Tonight at a concert we sat in front of some girls who screamed like they just sat on something sharp. Theoretically they were just very excited. However, it was difficult to tell from their screams if they were overjoyed or if they just saw someone burst into flames.Maybe they wanted another song or maybe they were trying to signal the paramedics.

 

Car Sticker

Today I saw a car with a big sticker on the rear windshield that said “man”. I guess the driver was tired of people questioning his masculinity. “Can’t they see past the evening dress?” Either that or he wanted a constant reminder for himself. “I was about to check ‘female’ on the job application when I happened to glance in the rearview mirror.”

iPad menus

There was an article in the newspaper about how some restaurants are now using iPads for their menus. This is in answer to the widespread demand by customers for menus that can access online pornography. “Bill’s been looking over the appetizers for an hour and a half.”

 

Toothpicks

Occasionally I will see people cleaning their teeth with a toothpick after a meal at a restaurant. These are often refined, well-dressed people who, for some reason, still like to practice prehistoric dental care. Clearly they do not do everything the old fashioned way. After all, it is obvious that their clothes have been dry cleaned and not, say, beaten against a rock. However, when it comes to oral hygiene, they seem to pass over any modern inventions in favor of pointed sticks. And maybe they are like this at home as well. “Toothbrush? No, son. Just use these sharpened slivers of wood.”

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New book - "Staying Crazy To Keep From Going Insane"

 

Serious Bass

Last night after dinner, we tried going with some friends to a bar. However, the bar had a DJ playing music with enough bass to affect your digestive system. Not only could we not talk to each other, but we worried that prolonged exposure to the intense thumping would deteriorate our small intestines. In fact, it was unclear if the extreme bass was there to enhance the music or was part of an experiment to bring down low-flying military aircraft.

 

Launch Party Cancellation

IMPORTANT: Unfortunately the rain has forced the cancellation of the launch party at Connolly's tonight. We might see if we can informally meet up someplace else tonight. If you have any suggestions or ideas, let me know. Thanks.

Interview on WRAL TV

I would like to thank WRAL TV for having me as a guest on their noon newscast and for not putting something like "Cris Cohen - Doofus" on the screen.