A bottle of salad dressing that we bought has a bright orange sticker on it that says “Keep refrigerated at all times”. It suggests that the dressing won’t just go bad, but could actually detonate at some point. Suddenly it’s not a condiment, but some sort of IED. “Soldiers in Afghanistan have been warned to be on the lookout for bottles of Parmesan Ranch.”
“Keep refrigerated” means that the item could spoil if not kept cold. “Keep refrigerated at all times” means that you can only bring it to the table with the kind of portable coolers that they use for transporting donated organs.
Our child woke up multiple times last night. As a result, my wife and I are slightly less coherent than someone who has been anesthetized. In fact, you could probably perform major surgery on us and we wouldn’t notice for at least a half an hour. “How long has my chest cavity been open like that?” And maybe small hospitals can use this technique in emergency situations. “Unfortunately our anesthesiologist is out of town, so we are going to prep you for the operation by having you spend the night with our sleep deprivation expert. Bring in little Timmy.”
An airplane bathroom is essentially a coffin that flushes. In fact, when a plane is going to crash, it is possible that the flight attendants make announcements like, “At this time we would like three of you to get into the lavatories. This way you will be prepared for burial when the salvage crew arrives.”
Last night we went to a hockey game. Although professional hockey games feature an excellent display of eye-hand coordination and skating abilities, they also usually have the kind of brutality and physical contact that most parents hope to see at the end of a Disney On Ice show. After sitting through all of that singing and dancing, nothing would make most adults happier than seeing one of the animals get checked against the boards. Or, if instead of using magic to defeat the villain, what if the hero just beat him with a stick?