Nothing in Particular

Drug Pushers

Many drug commercials nowadays encourage you to ask your doctor about the medicine they are selling.

"The commercial on TV said I was supposed to ask you about Viagra."

"I'm a dentist."

It is becoming so prevalent that any day now I expect to see commercials for not just prescription medications, but illegal drugs as well. "Ask your doctor if crack is right for you." Or maybe it will go the other way and the drug companies will start encouraging viewers to get their products from people who smuggle them across the border. "Ask your drug mule to cough up a baggie of Lipitor for you today."

Getting back to the current ads, I'm just not comfortable throwing out medication suggestions to my doctor. For one thing, I'm not sure his years of medical education and practice are trumped by the fact that I watched a 30 second advertisement during "America's Funniest Home Videos". I mean, I just got through watching a montage of people who accidentally set themselves on fire during wedding receptions. I don't think that qualifies me to start overruling his dosage recommendations.

People of Action

House swiftly passes resolution chastising Rep Wilson. Say they will get to less important health care plan sometime next year.

Health Care Reform

Top 5 New Provisions In Your HMO Plan This Year:

5 - Your annual hernia exam will now be performed by prison inmates.

4 - The only prescription drugs they now cover are sold by some guy named "El Hefe" from the back of his van.

3 - Mental health coverage to be replaced by Captain Morgan sampler pack.

2 - After three days in the hospital, your insurance company can "vote you off the island" if you know what I mean.

1 - Three words . . . "Coin Operated Respirator"

The Painful Disclaimer Delivery

In commercials for prescription medications, the disclaimers regarding women and pregnancy seem to be getting longer and more intense.

"Plastica should not be taken by women who are pregnant, women who might become pregnant, women who have ever been pregnant, women who have used the word 'pregnant' in a sentence, women who have been pregnant with anticipation, women who have ever had a pregnant pause, women who have ever said a fat guy looked pregnant..."

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Last week at one of Max's doctor appointments we had to wait for a really long time. Long enough that we should have had the Post Office hold our mail. Maybe we could have arranged for a temporary forwarding service. "New location: Exam room 3".

Walking With Weights

Today I experimented with my exercise routine. Although I just went for a walk and walked my usual route, this time I wore a backpack with a 10 pound weight in it. While I think this might be effective in getting myself in better shape, I worry that I look like some kid who missed the bus. And given my advanced age, I worry that I look like some kid who missed the bus by about 30 years.

(image copyright Microsoft clipart)

Fever

This past weekend our son, Max, had a mild fever. He wasn't burning up. He just felt like someone had left him under one of the heating lamps at the local diner. Imagine a child napping on the counter between the daily special and a side order of fries.

Sick in the Head

I got hit with a bad cold this week, the kind where you consider cleaning out your nasal passages with a vacuum attachment. Why spend days going through boxes of tissues when you could be done with it in 30 seconds with some narrow tubing and a Dyson?

Sleepless in the Southeast

Two days ago our son, Max, had to undergo a sleep study. The name "sleep study" sounds like what you would call those incidents in college when I would go into a library and find some guy taking a nap under one of the tables. Sleeping on the floor underneath your books shows a unique dedication to education as well as the cleaning crew's vacuuming abilities.

Really though, a sleep study is when medical professionals study how you sleep. They set the mood by hooking you up to 75 wires and two chest belts. It looks like you happened to be inside when someone blew up a Radio Shack. It was especially scary for our six-year-old son, who did not understand what all that was about. We brought his favorite books and stuffed animals, but that only goes so far. I suppose we should have prepared him in the week leading up to the study with a nightly ritual of gluing the DVR cables to his head.

This was actually Max's fifth sleep study. In addition to his other developmental challenges, he suffers from sleep disorders. The sleep studies are the doctors' attempts to find out what is going on and how to fix it. Again, the tough part is that you sleep even worse than normal during a sleep study. It's like having doctors trying to study problems with your running by strapping you to an office chair.

Neuroses

I'm so neurotic that when I feel relaxed, I worry that it might be because there is a gas leak.