(This is an entry in the contest to win the new book from Dave Barry.)
by Larry (call me Bubba) McNair
My daily walk around Orcas Island here in the balmy NW has shown up oodles of smashed slugs littering the pavements edge. I shudder to think of the potential bicyclers injuries upon slipping on one. Checking with a resident biologist from UDub, I find there is a road-crossing penchant among slugs similar to some chickens, particularly with the yellow-spotted slug which is facing endangerment from pavement and the consumption of beer and pesticides in use by some un-eco-friendly garden people. I presented a partial solution to our County Council to remove strategic portions of pavement back to the natural dirt road to thwart the suicidal impulse of slugs. They have come back with an enhanced version to construct fourteen overpass-bridges. Their plan also keep county road department personnel busy.
Stores now carry a variety of anti-bacterial soaps. This is as opposed to the large number of pro-bacterial soaps on the market. And that distinction is key. If a soap is not labeled "anti-bacterial", it could be a carrier of bacteria, rabies, computer viruses, and an IRS audit.
I have no idea what this one medication is for, mainly because, during the TV commercial, they mention the possible side effect of "trouble passing urine" about 75 times. At this point they might as well make that the name of the product. "Tell your doctor you want Trouble Passing Urine." That's all people are going to remember anyway. "Beta Pharmaceuticals proudly gives you Trouble Passing Urine."