I’m still trying to get used to wearing flip-flops, which were named after people with inconsistent voting records. They don’t feel like footwear as much as something a neighbor made out of discarded tire treads. And I don’t mean a clever, enterprising neighbor. I mean that guy down the street whose house will probably one day be surrounded by crime scene tape and cadaver dogs.
Fashion
August 05, 2012
October 31, 2011
June 29, 2011
Feathers And Fashion
There was a story in the news about how it has become trendy for women to adorn their hair with the same feathers used for fishing lures. “Since it’s a formal dinner, I chose something nice from Stan’s tackle box.” This is a bold step in the world of fashion, since women don’t usually wear items that could be classified as “a kind of bait”. The text on the jewelry websites must be interesting. “You’ll be chumming the waters when you put on this lovely piece from Big Ed’s Fish Emporium.” I imagine they have to come with warning labels though. “Do not wear when swimming in rivers, lakes, or anywhere with aggressive trout.”
June 02, 2011
Flip Flops
Every summer my wife, Michele, tries to convince me to wear flip flops when we go out somewhere, be it to a restaurant, the supermarket, or hardware stores filled with a lot of low, sharp, metal objects. I tend to not be comfortable in flip flops in public. I feel like someone who got seriously lost on his way to the shower. “I went down the hall to grab a towel, made a wrong turn, and found myself in the lobby of an Olive Garden.”
Also, even if it is 97 degrees out, I’m uncomfortable entering a public restroom in anything less than steel-tipped work boots. That is one location where I don’t want my feet to be dressed free and easy. I’d prefer confined and complicated. Granted, I might look odd wearing a t-shirt and shorts with wing tips. However, at least I won’t exit the men’s room worrying that my feet picked up a virus, various bacteria, and the kind of rust usually only found on industrial plumbing.
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June 01, 2011
Mannequins
Most store mannequins nowadays are headless. In this way, they help answer the burning question on every shopper’s mind - “How would this shirt look on my if I were decapitated?” Because people want to know that they will still be stylish, even after a freak helicopter accident.
(Photo: luisvilla)
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February 28, 2011
Fearsome Facial Hair
A number of athletes have been growing long beards. As a result, many look like they live in a log cabin, one where all of the tools have some sort of blood stain on them. It is a look that was really only fashionable in 1970s horror films. You can put the guy in a sport jacket with a nice collared shirt, but he is still going to look like the reason those campers were never heard from again.
These are not nicely groomed beards. These are beards that suggest you might be plotting an act of domestic terrorism. I suppose the beards help to intimidate the other players . . . and anyone else not carrying a gun. Still, there must be a way to seem imposing on the court or the field, while off the court not looking like you just came from a police lineup.
February 01, 2011
What Not To Wear
Unable to decide on a jacket, Helen instead chose to wear her recently-deceased sheepdog.
(Photo copyright (C) They Shoot Film: A Photo Collective)
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