Wendy's announced that it will be more humane to the chickens and pigs it uses. There's a more humane way to grill an animal and put it between two buns?
Colas are great-tasting beverages that look like the run-off from the work bay of a Jiffy Lube. As a result, in their ads Coke and Pepsi tend to emphasize the flavor. They use terms like “crisp” and “refreshing” rather than, say, “brown liquid”. Describing a drink as “brown liquid” does not make your mouth water. Instead it gives you the dry heaves.
We went shopping for a new refrigerator, which is like shopping for a new home, but for deli items. “Would our cheese be happy in this one?” Modern refrigerators come with features like the “dual zone cooling, preservation unit.” Most of these names translate to “the bin where you keep meat”.
Taco Bell announced that they will now have a breakfast menu. It will have a fun Spanish name that roughly translates to “intestinal explosion”.
A bottle of salad dressing that we bought has a bright orange sticker on it that says “Keep refrigerated at all times”. It suggests that the dressing won’t just go bad, but could actually detonate at some point. Suddenly it’s not a condiment, but some sort of IED. “Soldiers in Afghanistan have been warned to be on the lookout for bottles of Parmesan Ranch.”
“Keep refrigerated” means that the item could spoil if not kept cold. “Keep refrigerated at all times” means that you can only bring it to the table with the kind of portable coolers that they use for transporting donated organs.
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